#14: Cafe Petti Rosso: Capitol Hill

Right. So, I've completely abandoned any sense of order when it comes to going through this list. I've adopted a much less logical, but much more convenient method called "I'M GOING TO GO WHERE I WANT WHEN I WANT AND ONLY IF IT'S 100% CONVENIENT FOR ME AND MY LIFE."

It's working out well so far.

 Given that logic, it only makes sense that number 14 would come right after number 46.

So, Kristy and I have been in Capitol Hill for the past three days straight. Friday we went to a concert at Neumos. (Geographer. Well, really, Tokyo Police Club was the headliner, but we went for Geographer, the opener. I love Geographer. The lead singer, Michael Deni, has some of the greatest hair this world has ever seen).

Mike, right. I mean, look at that hair. Glorious.

We were in Capitol Hill yesterday as well. I was in a terrible mood, started by...shorts. Kristy asked me to bring her a pair of shorts to work. I thought, "Yeah, self, that will be easy to do. Just find a pair of shorts and bring them to her workplace." Turns out, these shorts don't exist. I tore her room apart, looking for shorts. I ended up just bringing her entire wardrobe instead of shorts. When I got to her workplace, this is what happened.

Kristy: Hi!
Me: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU I LOOKED FOR YOUR SHORTS FOR MY ENTIRE LIFETIME AND AM NOW CONVINCED YOU HAVE NO SHORTS, WILL NEVER HAVE SHORTS, AND HAVE NEVER ONCE EVEN WORN SHORTS. WHAT EVEN ARE SHORTS? AHHHHHHHHH.
Kristy: Uh.
Me: WHERE ARE THEY? WHERE? WHEREEERERERERERE?
Kristy: Obviously they are under my socks... you know.. where the shorts go.

So, the shorts debacle put me in a inexplicably bad mood. I waited for Kristy to get off work and then we headed to Cal Anderson Park. Along the way, I said mean things about innocent people, like when we passed a Subway I said, "Looking for sandwich artists? ARTISTS? WELL THAT'S GENEROUS!"

I then proceeded to rant about the pedestrian stop/walk signals that don't feature the second-countdown, "I HATE THE WALK SIGNS THAT ONLY SHOW THE FLASHING HAND WITHOUT TELLING YOU HOW MUCH TIME IS LEFT. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COMPLETE A THOROUGH COST/BENEFIT ANALYSIS REGARDING MY SAFETY WHILE CROSSING WHEN THERE ARE NO FLASHING SECONDS?"
Kristy: Uh, you could just look at the stoplights and see if they are green or yello---
Me: NOOOOOOOOOO NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
Kristy: Okaaay.

Today was the third day we were in Capitol Hill. This time, we were there to visit coffee shop #14: Cafe Petti Rosso. We parked at the Starbucks on First Hill where Kristy works and then took a short 10 minute walk down to Cafe Petti Rosso. We passed it, twice, before realizing that it was hiding. (Not really, we just aren't the most observant, as evidenced by a sandwich board pointing right to the cafe that we somehow completely missed. Twice).

We walked in the door and it was another one of those destinations, like the Wandering Goose (#46) that is more of a brunch/cafe place than a coffeehouse. It is really cute inside with lots of little date-ish tables for two. Kristy ordered a caramel sauce americano and I ordered a nonfat latte. It was relatively expensive: 4.00 for the americano and 4.34 for the latte. There was a moment of panic when the only seats available, benches by the window, looked to be stolen by the man behind us, but, all was well. There were still two seats left.

[Sidenote: Kristy downloaded an app called "Pact" a few weeks ago. Basically, you make a pact to workout a certain number of times per week, and if you keep the pact, the app pays you. If you don't, you get charged 5 dollars per day you miss. So, basically, if you workout, you are getting paid by the people who didn't. Harsh. The catch is, you can't just say you did it. You have to check in WHILE you are at a gym (it verifies your location) and stay there for at least 30 minutes. Or, you can turn on the motion tracker and walk/run/bike/whatever for 30 minutes. Anyways, I thought that sounded like a fun and easy way to make money, since I'm already kickboxing 5 times a week anyway. The problem with me, however, is I can't remember to do ANYTHING on a daily basis. If I had to remember to take birth control to keep from getting pregnant, I would have like 18 kids by now (if watching Netflix can get you pregnant). I just can't remember to do daily things like that. My daily multi-vitamins are more like, "maybe once a week vitamins". So, yeah, earlier this week, I went kickboxing twice, but didn't remember to activate Pact before I walked in the doors. So, it's like I never went at all. Then I was sick for 4 days. By today, I had to complete my Pact or I was going to get charged for not working out when I actually did! So, I did something morally unsound. I figured out that if you turn the motion tracker on and then just move your phone up and down for 30 minutes, it's like you just did a really complete, hardcore 30-minute workout. So, just keep in mind that the entire time we were at this coffeehouse, I was waving my phone around like a crazy person or someone who is really devoted to physical fitness. (I'm going to call it "not cheating" because I actually did go to the gym and just didn't record it. I don't think Pact is the app for me, guys)].

End sidenote. The foam on the latte was super smooth. Kristy said it was the smoothest and best foam she'd ever tasted. In the words of Drake, it was "the best she ever had."

We happened to be sitting at the window, though, and someone thought it was a really great idea to open all the windows. It was not a really great idea. It was freezing. After we finished our coffee, we were discussing leaving, and then, a magical moment occured:

You know how every once in a while you see a really attractive person and think, "no one should ever look this good ever because everyone else on the planet looks like a troll compared to this person"? Well, that happened today. Kristy and I both saw this man across the street from the cafe at the same time, looked at each other, wide-eyed, and then continued to stare at him like the world-class creeps we are. He was wearing a green hoodie with dark-wash skinny jeans, had the perfect amount of stubble, and the whitest, straightest teeth I've ever seen.

Me: NUIhasdfhgAUhughl;asdfhig he's one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen in real life.
Kristy: He's coming into the cafe, he's coming in. Acting normal now. Oh my gosh. Wow.
Me: (whisperyell) WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE THAT?

I then claimed that he was probably in the Top 5 most attractive people that I've ever seen in real life, and Kristy agreed. It is interesting to note that Kristy has been with me for all my Top 5 sightings. They are as follows, in no particular order:

1. "Cracked Pepper" - This was a waiter at New York Pizza in Bellingham who was so attractive that it hurt to even look at him. He was like the sun. He came to our table and said, "Craaaaaaaaacked pepper?" so nonchalantly and Kristy's lettuce came out of her mouth. He is now forever known as Cracked Pepper. We only saw him once.
2. Haight-Ashbury Burger Man - One time in San Francisco, Kristy was about to kill someone due to hunger, so we stopped at a random burger place. We found one of the most attractive men ever, eating alone, who happened to be wearing a sweater with a grizzly bear on it. We'll never see him again.
3. Someone that we both actually know in real life (and, if you're reading this, there is a 30-70% chance you know him too), so I will not reveal any names, locations, or descriptions of said person.
4. Guy on the Corner of Broadway - There was a guy on the corner of a street on Broadway in Capitol Hill that we saw maybe two years ago for about 17 seconds max. It was a good 17 seconds though.
5. This new hoodie/jeans/stubble man.

Oh my gosh this has nothing to do with coffee at this point. I'm so sorry.

After the run-in with Mr. Beautiful, we left. That's it. The end.

If you're ever in the Capitol Hill area, you should stop by. It's right by Cupcake Royale, across from the Unicorn. You never know, you may see one of the most attractive people on the planet if you stop by (although I probably won't be there. Ooo-oh. Zing).

#? whoa, this is a bonus post

Disclaimer: This post contains no actual coffeeshops on the official list. You’ve been warned.

This day started out with the best of intentions.

It really did.

One of my favorite people on the planet, Mr. Josh Galassi, had just gotten back from his internship in the concrete jungle of New York City, and Kristy and I were super excited to get to spend a few hours with him in Seattle before we all went to a housewarming party. We planned on taking him to a coffeeshop on the list, however, he had gotten a ride down to Seattle with a friend in the morning, and had been sitting in coffeeshops all morning until we picked him up at 3:30. He spent seven hours in coffeeshops before we were going to take him to yet another coffeeshop. It seemed cruel, but he still seemed to be up for it so we headed out to pick him up.

I caught a glimpse of his lovely, lovely self on the sidewalk in front of, you guessed it, a coffeeshop. It was so great to see him (Josh, if you’re reading this, three months is far too long for you to be away) The first thing he said to me was, “You look so good – have you been losing weight?” and, yep, I knew there was a reason I love this guy. I think I’ll keep him around. It got a little weird when he got into the car with a bag full of onions and limes, but whatever. (We later learned that it was for guacamole for the party later. Mystery solved).

We all headed to West Seattle to visit coffeeshop #42: The Fiddlehead Café. Kristy brought up an excellent point when we got to West Seattle. She asked if I had looked at the hours of this particular café. Now, I think you can probably extrapolate the rest of this story, but just in case interpretation of foreshadowing isn’t your forte, I’ll give you a hint: planning ahead is not my strong suit. I know my flaws. The café was closed.

BUT WAIT! There was another coffeeshop on the list that was only a few blocks away! YAY!

BUT WAIT! THAT MOFO WAS CLOSED AS WELL!

So we walked. And we walked. And we walked; extremely confident that Seattle wouldn’t let us down. Seattle; the city drowning in coffee, the city that is simultaneously proud and ashamed of its coffee history (read: Starbucks); surely the coffee capitol of the world would come through for us. We knew that it was only a matter of time before a coffeehouse would rear it’s beautiful head if only we kept looking (Cue Lionel Richie’s “Hello”).

 Wrong.

Everything was closed. Apparently 4 PM on a Saturday is not coffee time in West Seattle.

We ended up finding one place that was open and served coffee. It was the worst place in the entire world for people who have given up sugar for Lent: Cupcake Royale. We entered the shop and were immediately assaulted by the sweet, amazing smell of contraband sugar and frosting. It was glorious. It was painful. It was cupcake madness.

Now, I’ve seen some upset people in my twenty three years on this planet, but let me tell you, the look of despair on Kristy’s face while Josh was eating this (admittedly delicious-looking and smelling) cupcake rivals them all. Everyone in this cupcake shop was, you know, eating cupcakes. THE NERVE OF SOME PEOPLE. Needless to say, it was torture.

Blah, blah, blah, the coffee was pretty good. THIS PLACE ISN’T EVEN ON THE LIST SO THAT’S ALL I’M SAYING. I’m going to proceed with the story of this night, because, why the hell not?

Josh proceeded to tell us about his adventures in New York, and I found myself falling further and further in like with him. I won’t give away all of his secrets, but, just know that this was part of the conversation: “Yeah, at any given time, there are at least 60 clowns in Manhattan alone.”

This is getting rather lengthy, so here are some bullets:

• We tried and failed to get samples at Great Harvest. It was devastating.
• Josh decided to buy some fancy-ass wine
• We went to dinner at a Mexican restaurant. Josh had already bought the wine, and it was in a very conspicuous paper bag. Josh looked at the restaurant entrance, down at the wine, back at the restaurant, and said, "Well, I guess I'm bringing this in."
  
  
  
  
• We devoured a plate of nachos faster than a Taylor Swift relationship.
  
   
  
  
• Josh explained the actual meaning of "cigars on ice" to Kristy. 
• Kristy explained how Tinder works to Josh:

• There was crazy decor in the bathrooms at the restaurant, so Kristy told Josh to go look. After he came back with a blank stare, it was clear that only the women's bathroom was crazy. Then we made him look at the women's bathroom. 

Overall, we never did make it to a place on the list, but it was probably more fun that way.