#? whoa, this is a bonus post

Disclaimer: This post contains no actual coffeeshops on the official list. You’ve been warned.

This day started out with the best of intentions.

It really did.

One of my favorite people on the planet, Mr. Josh Galassi, had just gotten back from his internship in the concrete jungle of New York City, and Kristy and I were super excited to get to spend a few hours with him in Seattle before we all went to a housewarming party. We planned on taking him to a coffeeshop on the list, however, he had gotten a ride down to Seattle with a friend in the morning, and had been sitting in coffeeshops all morning until we picked him up at 3:30. He spent seven hours in coffeeshops before we were going to take him to yet another coffeeshop. It seemed cruel, but he still seemed to be up for it so we headed out to pick him up.

I caught a glimpse of his lovely, lovely self on the sidewalk in front of, you guessed it, a coffeeshop. It was so great to see him (Josh, if you’re reading this, three months is far too long for you to be away) The first thing he said to me was, “You look so good – have you been losing weight?” and, yep, I knew there was a reason I love this guy. I think I’ll keep him around. It got a little weird when he got into the car with a bag full of onions and limes, but whatever. (We later learned that it was for guacamole for the party later. Mystery solved).

We all headed to West Seattle to visit coffeeshop #42: The Fiddlehead Café. Kristy brought up an excellent point when we got to West Seattle. She asked if I had looked at the hours of this particular café. Now, I think you can probably extrapolate the rest of this story, but just in case interpretation of foreshadowing isn’t your forte, I’ll give you a hint: planning ahead is not my strong suit. I know my flaws. The café was closed.

BUT WAIT! There was another coffeeshop on the list that was only a few blocks away! YAY!

BUT WAIT! THAT MOFO WAS CLOSED AS WELL!

So we walked. And we walked. And we walked; extremely confident that Seattle wouldn’t let us down. Seattle; the city drowning in coffee, the city that is simultaneously proud and ashamed of its coffee history (read: Starbucks); surely the coffee capitol of the world would come through for us. We knew that it was only a matter of time before a coffeehouse would rear it’s beautiful head if only we kept looking (Cue Lionel Richie’s “Hello”).

 Wrong.

Everything was closed. Apparently 4 PM on a Saturday is not coffee time in West Seattle.

We ended up finding one place that was open and served coffee. It was the worst place in the entire world for people who have given up sugar for Lent: Cupcake Royale. We entered the shop and were immediately assaulted by the sweet, amazing smell of contraband sugar and frosting. It was glorious. It was painful. It was cupcake madness.

Now, I’ve seen some upset people in my twenty three years on this planet, but let me tell you, the look of despair on Kristy’s face while Josh was eating this (admittedly delicious-looking and smelling) cupcake rivals them all. Everyone in this cupcake shop was, you know, eating cupcakes. THE NERVE OF SOME PEOPLE. Needless to say, it was torture.

Blah, blah, blah, the coffee was pretty good. THIS PLACE ISN’T EVEN ON THE LIST SO THAT’S ALL I’M SAYING. I’m going to proceed with the story of this night, because, why the hell not?

Josh proceeded to tell us about his adventures in New York, and I found myself falling further and further in like with him. I won’t give away all of his secrets, but, just know that this was part of the conversation: “Yeah, at any given time, there are at least 60 clowns in Manhattan alone.”

This is getting rather lengthy, so here are some bullets:

• We tried and failed to get samples at Great Harvest. It was devastating.
• Josh decided to buy some fancy-ass wine
• We went to dinner at a Mexican restaurant. Josh had already bought the wine, and it was in a very conspicuous paper bag. Josh looked at the restaurant entrance, down at the wine, back at the restaurant, and said, "Well, I guess I'm bringing this in."
  
  
  
  
• We devoured a plate of nachos faster than a Taylor Swift relationship.
  
   
  
  
• Josh explained the actual meaning of "cigars on ice" to Kristy. 
• Kristy explained how Tinder works to Josh:

• There was crazy decor in the bathrooms at the restaurant, so Kristy told Josh to go look. After he came back with a blank stare, it was clear that only the women's bathroom was crazy. Then we made him look at the women's bathroom. 

Overall, we never did make it to a place on the list, but it was probably more fun that way.